Today's post will, I pray, be brief. It also will, I'm sure, continue what I hope will maybe be a theme for the work of the study that occurs outside of the classroom.
There are personal rhythms that occur in me. Moods wax and wane. I was told once that Pisces are what are known as "dual signs" and tend to have, as a trait, pretty binary rhythms. Now that I think about it, I think it was explained to me when I was dating someone who was a Libra. I was complaining about never knowing what to expect. The girl who was explaining it to me, was like, "She's a Libra. She's a dual sign and bound to be fucking crazy. Libras, Geminis and Pisces."
"I'm a Pisces.", I said.
"Well there you go.", she winked, "You're fucking crazy too. Maybe it is meant to be!"
Point of information: it wasn't meant to be. Anecdote over. But there are these natural personal rhythms that I tend to follow, and I've been noticing them in my classmates. We've been together for a month now, and in that time I have been able to begin to start to scratch the surface of what these people are really about. Patience on certain members' parts have worn a little thing for certain things that occur during the day, and when in the right (or wrong) personal rhythm these things can play out in a few potentially catastrophic ways.
There are two things that I should mention right now before I go any further. Two facts that I imagine are rather obvious, but are necessary to address before we I move foreword:
1 - I wear glasses with corrective lenses. I can't wear contacts because I have a silly fear of poking my eyes out. So I go through life being able to see (aided) with such astute clarity or (naturally) relying partially on my vision and leaning more on hearing to get me through the day. I'm not by any means blind; I'm near-sighted, but I know that when the frames finally fall onto the bridge of my nose that there is such a sharp contrast between whatever is in front of me now and immediately before that a whole new world of exploration opens up. The same thing happens when I take them off.
2 - I can be a bit glib. If you haven't met me, you should know this about me now. I believe that I have a deep well of genuine sincerity in me, but I also think life is tremendously funny, and that you can't spend all day being so damn serious. I think I may have mentioned that outlook in some previous posts. I feel that I tend to be pretty relaxed in most situations. I freak right the hell out in others... I think those are two fair and accurate statements, but generally I deal with things with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. That's me. That's the lens that I tend to look at the world through most often. It causes some problems, but it also averts many other social disasters.
Today my pat led me to being accosted by a classmate over what turned out to be a misunderstanding. Everything was resolved pretty rapidly between us, but before we had that, there were a few solid minutes of absolute peevishness between us. During the final few minutes of just being utterly pissed off and itching for a fight, I remembered something that Svetlana once said to me in a private conversation in her office my senior year of undergrad. It was a while ago, and I'm definitely paraphrasing here, but she said this:
"I think that you are dealing with things absolutely rationally for how you are perceiving the world. I hear your words and your logic makes sense, but you are viewing everything through a warped lens. You are not seeing things clearly. Try to look at what is happening through a different lens. Shed yours and look through a different one; you will see that what you are taking in may not be an accurate representation of what is truly going on. Think on that."
And that was the end of the few minutes of feeling like I needed to avenge myself. I started wondering what the cause for my treatment was. Maybe there was an old would that I had inadvertently pricked? Perhaps it was simply the end of a bad day? For all I knew, it could have simply been the slip of the tongue. Where it could have led to a further altercation, or some festering hostility, it did not. We found each other and took each other arm in arm and walked the streets of Morningside Heights... and talked.
Micro-confrontations, such as the one I just shared, have been increasing in volume over the past week, or so, between the members of the class. I think that sometimes we actors gets little too involved in what we are "getting" from people and how it affects us and the dramatic sense of the fucking injustice of it all. I know that I , myself, will sometimes go the easy route and find someone to sound my frustration to in the hope of hearing a pleasing echo. I do. But if we can only allow ourselves to shift perspectives, we can open ourselves up to wisdom and compassion and understanding. It's my lesson for the day. One revisited, and perhaps one that should be revisited as often as possible.
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
-Dalai Lama
Breathe in. Breathe out.
-R
There are personal rhythms that occur in me. Moods wax and wane. I was told once that Pisces are what are known as "dual signs" and tend to have, as a trait, pretty binary rhythms. Now that I think about it, I think it was explained to me when I was dating someone who was a Libra. I was complaining about never knowing what to expect. The girl who was explaining it to me, was like, "She's a Libra. She's a dual sign and bound to be fucking crazy. Libras, Geminis and Pisces."
"I'm a Pisces.", I said.
"Well there you go.", she winked, "You're fucking crazy too. Maybe it is meant to be!"
Point of information: it wasn't meant to be. Anecdote over. But there are these natural personal rhythms that I tend to follow, and I've been noticing them in my classmates. We've been together for a month now, and in that time I have been able to begin to start to scratch the surface of what these people are really about. Patience on certain members' parts have worn a little thing for certain things that occur during the day, and when in the right (or wrong) personal rhythm these things can play out in a few potentially catastrophic ways.
There are two things that I should mention right now before I go any further. Two facts that I imagine are rather obvious, but are necessary to address before we I move foreword:
1 - I wear glasses with corrective lenses. I can't wear contacts because I have a silly fear of poking my eyes out. So I go through life being able to see (aided) with such astute clarity or (naturally) relying partially on my vision and leaning more on hearing to get me through the day. I'm not by any means blind; I'm near-sighted, but I know that when the frames finally fall onto the bridge of my nose that there is such a sharp contrast between whatever is in front of me now and immediately before that a whole new world of exploration opens up. The same thing happens when I take them off.
2 - I can be a bit glib. If you haven't met me, you should know this about me now. I believe that I have a deep well of genuine sincerity in me, but I also think life is tremendously funny, and that you can't spend all day being so damn serious. I think I may have mentioned that outlook in some previous posts. I feel that I tend to be pretty relaxed in most situations. I freak right the hell out in others... I think those are two fair and accurate statements, but generally I deal with things with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. That's me. That's the lens that I tend to look at the world through most often. It causes some problems, but it also averts many other social disasters.
Today my pat led me to being accosted by a classmate over what turned out to be a misunderstanding. Everything was resolved pretty rapidly between us, but before we had that, there were a few solid minutes of absolute peevishness between us. During the final few minutes of just being utterly pissed off and itching for a fight, I remembered something that Svetlana once said to me in a private conversation in her office my senior year of undergrad. It was a while ago, and I'm definitely paraphrasing here, but she said this:
"I think that you are dealing with things absolutely rationally for how you are perceiving the world. I hear your words and your logic makes sense, but you are viewing everything through a warped lens. You are not seeing things clearly. Try to look at what is happening through a different lens. Shed yours and look through a different one; you will see that what you are taking in may not be an accurate representation of what is truly going on. Think on that."
And that was the end of the few minutes of feeling like I needed to avenge myself. I started wondering what the cause for my treatment was. Maybe there was an old would that I had inadvertently pricked? Perhaps it was simply the end of a bad day? For all I knew, it could have simply been the slip of the tongue. Where it could have led to a further altercation, or some festering hostility, it did not. We found each other and took each other arm in arm and walked the streets of Morningside Heights... and talked.
Micro-confrontations, such as the one I just shared, have been increasing in volume over the past week, or so, between the members of the class. I think that sometimes we actors gets little too involved in what we are "getting" from people and how it affects us and the dramatic sense of the fucking injustice of it all. I know that I , myself, will sometimes go the easy route and find someone to sound my frustration to in the hope of hearing a pleasing echo. I do. But if we can only allow ourselves to shift perspectives, we can open ourselves up to wisdom and compassion and understanding. It's my lesson for the day. One revisited, and perhaps one that should be revisited as often as possible.
"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
-Dalai Lama
Breathe in. Breathe out.
-R
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